Writing Is My Cure

My Name Is Nishat & I Write To Stay Sane. I Post Everyday At 8PM CST* (Usually)

“I wonder if you went out far enough
Into the edge of the universe,
Could you hear the first time it called out for light?
And if you went far enough back in my mind,
Would you be able to see how scared I am
To admit that I need you?
Sipping ink and spilling green tea onto this page
I am tripping over the one thing I want to say.
I wasn’t okay
Before I met you
And I sure as hell won’t be fine if you ever leave.
It’s not a surprise that I’m terrified because
I am not the type of boy that girls like you fall in love with.
I can’t play guitar and my singing’s not great,
There’s a chip on my front tooth,
My shoelaces come untied too quick.
I cut my hair short, in case you might like it
I stopped texting you, to see if you’d first.
I thought of you
Once and my body exploded
Because I’m a poor bastard that’s
Too deep in love.
I spent a month in my basement,
Let my beard grow out into the forest,
Reeled it back in to see if it had learned anything out in the world,
To see if it could teach me a thing or two.
The crackle of power-lines cracks into my mind at night
Can you hear the same buzz? Can you feel the electricity of
My brain cells whispering your name in my head?
There are trumpet calls when the sun is low,
I hope you know I set them all off for you.
Just in case you couldn’t care for honest brass
I’ll leave this poem tacked to my spine
So in case I lack the courage to do this face to face,
You can see what I’ve been hiding.
I don’t do much anything right,
But in a fight between my skull and my chest
I’ll go with the heart this time.”

—   "Lexical Gap" - Nishat Ahmed

Anonymous said: hi nishat... long time reader... i was jw whyh the sudden in the subject matter of poems...? they are getting more mature audience... sorry if my english is not very good...

well, it seems ive certainly sparked some people with that last poem :X uh I guess I’m getting older is the only answer I could give you? It’s not that I was trying to avoid writing about this stuff when I was younger, cause I knew it existed and that it was already a reality for others, but I wasn’t mature enough then to write about it properly without botching it or making it cheesy/cliche (although one could argue that my writing, even after all these years, is still very cheesy/cliche but whatever, ahaha) now that ive taken some classes and spent a lot of time in the realm of poetry, im taking more cracks at more adult/mature topics now. also, no worries about your english, i understood you fine!

Anonymous said: how do you write so sensually without being so graphic? i find that so amazing

well for one, I haven’t experienced the ‘graphic’ end of things but a good writer i know told me once that when writing about intimate things, think of sense, not sex. Sex in its basic, watered down definition is just an act, and often people forget to delve into what the body is experience in terms of nerves and signals and before i go on a long rant yeah just think about the moment in a whole rather than just the action when you write about it!

Anonymous said: I did not know that poetry could get me so sexually frustrated until I read your work. Marvelous job, Nishat

oh dear, didn’t mean to go about frustrating anyone now, but thank you!

“Your hips are highways that my unsteady hands
Have crashed on too many times to count.
When the night is still taking baby steps I lose myself
In the way the setting sun filters in through the blinds and
Kisses
Every little
Freckle on your cheek.
You blush when I stare too long at your lips
But you still bite the lower one all the same (darling, you know that drives me insane)
I’ve seen you bloom with the seasons, wearing
Shades of summer reds when we spend afternoons quietly reading at the foot of the oak in your backyard. I think
Your cheekbones lift highest in the autumn like the smoke exhaled from the calm fire.
In your hand-me-down flannel from your father, I know you are not cold yet
You tuck your frame against mine
Within minutes we are nestled into my mattress.
You’d think I’d have memorized the dips in your back,
The curves of your sides,
The plane of your thighs,
But I still get lost in the crook of your neck,
Lips against ribs,
The light release of breath.
My body has never been cold with you in my company.
My heart has never been heavy in your wake.
You are the lullaby
I’ve been searching for all my life.
Now I can finally fall asleep at night, with you wrapped around me
As if I could keep angels all to myself.
Yes you, you are filled with the light of
Exploding stars and when you walk
The leaves turn towards you (I turn towards you)
My fingers against the plane of your skin;
They glow and burn, not in a way that hurts
But a warmth that reminds me that
You are my home.
You are all the books I want to read,
You are all the sights I want to see,
You are all the songs I want to hear,
You are all the richness I want to taste,
You are all that I want to feel.
You are all that I want.”

—   

We Might Have Sex With Our Bodies, But I Make Love To You With My Poetry” - Nishat Ahmed

Anonymous said: Hi! First I just wanted to say that I love your writing! Second, do you ever do poetry critiques? I have this one poem that I'd like to send to my friend, but I was wondering whether you could read it over and give me some honest suggestions? Thanks and have a wonderful day.

Send it to me in my submit and ill check it out! im not really good at critiques though… i feel like im not well learned enough in poetry to give criticism, my own poetry is pretty juvenile as it is :P

Anonymous said: Things haven't been the easiest for me in the last few years...but I'm finally at a good place in my life, even though there's still a lot of bad going on in it. And I just wanted to share that with someone.

I’m really glad you thought of me to share this with, this made me really happy :) its always lovely to hear about people finding the light in dark places. heres to hoping that the rest of that badness vanishes!

In a dream I heard God ask me
“What does it feel like to be alive?”
And I said back to him,
“It’s when she says ‘I love you’ for the first time.”

There are back porches that miss the way we kissed
With our hands pressed against each other’s cheeks.
We kept fireflies at bay as we smiled against a June sun
Slipping into the hands of the trees.

I can’t breathe.

This summer air is too hot for my lungs.
I burned my throat trying to
Keep you in
My mouth,
So you spilled out
Like the rain that drowned the earth
For almost a whole week.
This was a storm I was expecting.

I’m supposed to be an adult but I feel like
I’m just a stranger renting out this skin,
Taking long drives at night through dimly lit
Suburban streets that haven’t seen tender care in years.
The wheels pound the pavement
While the wind, and desperate pop punk songs
Pound against my ears.

This place isn’t the same.
I’m not changing.
I just started to open up my eyes.

My body is a park for every homeless heart.
I haven’t yet signed a lease on love
But I’ve paying rent on it for years.
When it comes down to it,
I am just an empty house.

You loved me like I was important but I guess
I was just another boy to kiss.
I could’ve sworn you were my cure,
Now I see how you’ve made me sick.

In a dream I heard God ask me
“What does it feel like to die?”
And I replied
“When she says ‘I love you’ for the last time.”

—   "This Is Not A Break-Up Poem, This Is A Heartbreak Poem (Summer Influenza)" - Nishat Ahmed

Anonymous said: I am so jealous of your life. Sure you have pain and rough times, but you are able to take those times and turn them into beautiful words that help people. When I feel like shit all I do is have to sit around and feel it. It would be so relieving to be able to express it and help people like you!! Never stop writing!

please, my life is nothing to be jealous of! theres definitely enough shitty parts in it to make it undesirable. cherish yours and the good moments you get! you can do exactly what i do, just pick up a pen and start getting it on the page. Thank you for this message though!

Anonymous said: I also have waves of hard depression often.. Like, I feel alright for a few weeks then this huge wave of depression knocks me down and I feel like everything In my life is not good and there's no point. Is that what you have too? What does it mean? Ahh.

Yeah that’s exactly how mine comes. It’s the freakin’ worst. I don’t know what it means, really. I don’t think theres an extra layer to it, it’s just depression. Do you ever have it where you can feel it coming, like a storm or just a shadow in your mind’s peripheral? Cause thats how it works for me. I know I have one coming soon and its the worst feeling :/